Why Shaping Memories?
Think about when you and your significant other met – the butterflies in your stomach, the awe of learning about each other, and the feeling that all is right with the world. What a wonderful time of life! Those early memories are the start of building a foundation for your relationship.
As time goes on, life’s realities bring you both back to earth. The intense feelings soften and the issues of life invade the protective circle you have created around your relationship. Those initial feelings become a distant memory only to be replaced by the repetitive rhythm of life. Without actively breathing life into your relationship, you may even get to the point of asking yourself “Is this all there is?”.
Notice the word “Shaping” in Shaping Memories. This word is a verb and implies action and effort. As you think about shaping something, let’s say a piece of pottery, it takes planning, identifying its purpose and hands on activity. To remain strong, relationships need effort to nurture the bond you have with one another.
This is the “work” of marriage. Many people think that the word work means hard, laborious and a struggle. But we challenge you to think of work as putting effort into something that brings reward. As a matter of fact, the Oxford dictionary describes work as “activity involving mental or physical effort done in order to achieve a purpose or result.” (Powered by Oxford Languages). As you think about your relationship, are you receiving the rewards you anticipated?
Shaping Memories is about living life on purpose. It’s about cultivating your relationship by building memories that can keep your relationship fresh and exciting. Shaping Memories challenges couples to identify experiences that create opportunities for being present with one another, open doors for conversations, and build bridges for those that may have drifted apart.
In order to revitalize your relationship, it is best to start with an open and transparent conversation about where your relationship is and where you want it to go. One couple shared with one another that they did not feel as connected with one another after a very busy few weeks of life. On purpose, they took some time to reconnect blocking off time to just be with one another. Conversations that start with “I feel” or “I am sensing” are non accusatory. Speak from your perspective. This can go a long way.
Next make a plan together. The plans do not need to be elaborate and may simply be going for a walk after dinner to give yourselves time together to talk about your day. It may be getting a babysitter and going to your favorite restaurant. Or it may be taking turns planning something monthly where each of decides on what you will do and the other person goes along with it. The most important goals are to be present together, find the fun and joy in whatever you are doing, and spend time talking about your experience.
Do the plan with an open mind. Not every outing will be something you want to do, but remember, this is about connecting with your partner. So doing something they want to do may be a sacrificial moment for you. Be positive, you may actually enjoy it! One friend did not like going to the races, but made the best of the situation with her husband, found a way to enjoy it by betting on the races and engaged in a different way than anticipated. He on the other hand enjoyed the opera with her the next month. The most important thing is to go into the experience anticipating a good time together.
Sometimes we get stuck on what plans to make especially if its been a while since you have put some energy into your relationship. Google is a great tool for finding local events happening in your area. You can even google inexpensive date ideas to help stimulate your thoughts. On Amazon, there are date night ideas such as one found on this link, https://amzn.to/3w8yfy7, that can be a fun way to surprise each other on what the plan will be. No matter what you decide to do, enjoy each other and start Shaping Memories!