I Spy With My Little Eye

Over the years, our world as married couples can become very small and conversations limited because, frankly, we run out of things to talk about. We get used to each other, become accustomed to one another’s responses, and spend more time in our heads thinking about conversations to have that actually never happen. How often do you see things that are humorous or interesting but do not point it out to your partner? If you find yourself spending more time with your partner in silence, wouldn’t it be interesting to actually talk about your observations out loud and include your partner in your inner world.  

There are so many ways to open conversations. Most of us spend our days reading, whether it involves reading signs or billboards while driving, reading the news, social media, or a good fiction book.  What do you do with the information? Do you keep it inside or do you share it with your partner? My husband enjoys reading when he rises at 5am each day. When I get up at 7ish, we start the day talking about what he encountered during his social media perusal. I on the other hand prefer longer articles, nonfiction reading and self-help books. Often later in the day we will talk about something I came across that day. Even fiction books have provided us with topics of conversation particularly when the characters say something funny!

Recently, my husband has been reading about clean eating. He shared what he has learned about food and suggested we take some time to look more into it and plan a week or so focused on eating clean to see how we feel. I responded mildly and told him that would be interesting. A day or so later, I opened a conversation telling him I had been thinking about it and thought it would be interesting to try. 

Do you see where this is going? From a brief conversation, we started down a new path that we were both interested in with a goal that we can work on together. The possibilities are endless depending on your interests. Perhaps it is starting a garden, redecorating the room that you both are not fond of or tackling a project that you’ve been putting off. When you can find topics of mutual interest, the sky is the limit to what you can find to talk about. 

An even simpler approach to rekindling dialogue can be talking about what you see in your immediate surroundings. Like the human and the dog who look alike or a child’s reaction to their parent’s not so cool behavior. Some observations create warm feelings like the baby sleeping in a parent’s arms or the daughter hugging a parent before she leaves for college. Many things we see solicit emotions that can be shared with your partner. Any mutual connection, especially at the emotional level, can create a warmth in your relationship that may have been missing for a period of time. Recalling your own experiences and reminiscing can be a reminder of all you have been through together. 

At first it may seem awkward to start a random conversation, especially if you are out of practice, but over time voicing your observations can become part of your normal rhythm. If conversation starters are not getting results, asking questions like “what are your thoughts?” or “how do you feel” can invite the other person to share. The most important thing to remember is when one person talks, do not discount what is being said as reacting negatively or being dismissive is a conversation killer. Listening without judgment and responding positively can be the fuel needed to open communications and help you connect with one another at a new level.