The Rock of Your Relationship

Picture a large rock. What do you see. A hard firm surface that is solid and planted firmly on the ground. The bigger the rock, the harder it is to move. Whatever you put on that rock will safely remain there because the rock will not budge from its place. If you envision the foundation of your relationship as a rock, you can see how important this rock is. As the relationship grows and strengthens, the rock does not change but stands firm and strong in its place. The rock represents the solidness of the relationship and is so precious. 

Like any rock, it is not so solid that it cannot be chipped away at. Protecting the rock is essential to keeping it intact. When it comes to relationships, what can chip away at this solid foundation? Of course there are the big things that can cause fissures: abuse, lying, affairs/cheating, pornography – Yes, the big stuff! But many times, it is the little things that slowly chip away at this seemingly impenetrable rock. These include:

· Taking advantage of the other person

· Taking more than you give

· Inconsiderate behavior

· Talking negatively to others about your partner

· Lack of forgiveness

· Hurtful words.

· This list can go on and on and on. 

As you are reading this, you may see some of your own actions reducing the solid ground on which your relationship started. Maybe this self-reflection reminds you of an argument you had or a situation you did not manage correctly. You may be asking if it is possible to rebuild or restrengthen the rock. You certainly can, but it takes time and effort. If you can identify your role in the chipping away process and reverse course, the human heart and spirit can use resilience, forgiveness, and faith to rebuild its foundation. 

Let’s say you realize you are being disrespectful to your spouse. Perhaps there is a hurt inside that is the root cause of the issue. It is not simple, but truly forgiving your spouse is a good first step. Once you stop looking at your spouse through the lens of hurt, you can then see them as the human being they are with all the flaws and imperfections that come with this humanness. Let’s face it, 99.9% of people do not purposely set out to annoy or hurt their spouse. When you can see them as the vulnerable person they are, then compassion can flow through you. 

But let’s say your spouse is being disrespectful to you. Now what?

Look at when the behavior first occurred. Was there a specific incident that may be the root cause or has the behavior been there throughout the relationship? When your partner was being disrespectful, did you address it and let them know how it made you feel? Communicating your feelings and needs can be powerful and bring changes because it raises awareness and brings light to situations that are causing negativity in the relationship. Many times, behaviors not checked become habits that your partner may not even realize they are doing. As you continue to communicate your needs and respond to the needs of your partner, you can rebuild the foundational rock of your relationship. 

As you change your behavior or reactions, often your partner changes too. This change is usually not on purpose. It is just a natural phenomenon. Let’s say you get defensive when being treated disrespectfully and you try to justify whatever the issue is. Instead, very briefly tell your partner how it made you feel – something like, “That really hurt my feelings.” By sharing your feelings, you are telling them what is and is not acceptable any longer as well as helping them see the impact of the words or behavior on you. The same works vice versa. Should your partner share similar thoughts and feelings, you most likely will find yourself more careful with your words going forward. 

Having a rock-solid foundation will help you, as a couple, weather storms that will come your way. Protecting each other’s hearts and feelings and being mindful of words and actions are great first steps to assuring your foundation remains unmovable.