The Beauty of Committing to Marriage
The dating world has changed significantly over the past 50 years. I recently researched the root cause of why people seem to be in less committed relationships and what is reported as a low desire in younger people for marriage and children.
From my own experience, marriage is wonderful and freeing. My husband and I enjoy each other’s company! The freeing part puzzles some people as marriage has had a bad rap when it comes to the notion of spending life with one person.
In marriage, I am free to pursue life dreams with a partner that supports and encourages efforts. The pressure that comes from dating and finding the next someone to spend time with is eliminated. The wondering if this person likes me or if while dating me, they are looking for something that might be better. Once the decision is made to come together as husband and wife, all of that is gone and we both are able to focus on growing self and helping each other become the best we can be.
Many people are so focused on “me” that they miss out on the exponentially greater outcome of “we.” Many people, especially women, are so afraid of being controlled that they try to control everything, including not getting into a committed relationship. Men are so afraid of being controlled or “trapped” that they miss the blessing of having a supportive partner by their side.
Many single people, including friends, want a relationship but have trouble finding a “good one.” The first question that comes to mind is – are you a good one? Do you have your life together such as a job or business? Do you have finances in order such as are you disciplined with money? Is your life peaceful or is there a lot of drama in which you are in the middle? Self-examination is a good place to start when looking at starting a relationship.
A second question is, are you ready to commit to spending time getting to know someone you meet. If you are still “playing the field” and looking for someone who may be better than the one you are with then you are not ready. Think about internet dating. People scroll profiles mostly focused on looks and maybe common interests but while pursuing one person continue to scroll profiles just in case someone “better” pops up. Over time looks change and priorities change. Spending time getting to know a person’s character and identifying common interests is the foundation for long healthy relationships.
It is important to give your time and attention to the person you are going out with and not be distracted by other possibilities. This half in/half out approach is unfair to both individuals. Open communication about where each of you are at in the relationship allows each person to make decisions about next steps.
The cycle of life is designed for people to marry in their early adulthood. The human body is made to start a family in a woman’s 20’s and early 30’s. Careers are started, and early stages of professional growth begins and sets the stage for increased stability into the later 30’s and beyond. These are the years that are the foundation for overall life stability.
It seems to me younger people are being tricked into believing that you can have it all without making any sacrifices. Getting into a relationship is a commitment and requires compromise and sacrifice. But in the end, having someone by your side throughout life is so much better than living life experiences alone.