How To Forgive When You’ve Been Hurt by Someone
Forgiveness is Possible
Everyone has experienced hurt pain, when forgiveness does not seem possible. Sometimes it comes from intentional actions, and other times from careless words or unintentional behavior that still cuts deeply. It may stem from abuse (verbal or physical), neglect, gossip, or moments that leave a lasting impact. And it may be related to self. The sources may differ—but the pain is real.
In response, many people build internal walls to protect themselves. They carry that pain forward, allowing it to shape their decisions, relationships, and overall outlook on life. Over time, the hurt becomes ingrained, creating a barrier that prevents them from fully living and experiencing their best life.
At the root of this pain is often unforgiveness.
“I can never forgive them” becomes a repeated thought—a quiet mantra that reinforces the hurt. Forgiveness can feel like letting someone off the hook or excusing their behavior. But what if you looked at it differently?
Instead of thinking, “They don’t deserve my forgiveness,” consider this:
“I deserve to be free from carrying this.”
Forgiveness is not about the other person—it’s about you.
Choosing to forgive does not erase what happened or excuse the behavior. It simply releases you from the weight of holding onto it. It frees you from anger, from replaying the situation over and over in your mind, from vengeful thoughts, and from a lingering sense of victimhood.
Unforgiveness has a way of shaping future experiences. Someone who never forgave a former spouse may enter new relationships guarded, suspicious, and expecting disappointment. Children who hold onto resentment toward their parents may carry that burden into adulthood—impacting their confidence, relationships, and sense of self.
You may be thinking, “But you don’t know what I’ve been through.”
And that’s true.
But what is known is this: holding onto unforgiveness continues the damage long after the original event has passed.
Forgiveness does not mean it didn’t happen. It did.
But it is one chapter in your life—not the entire story, and not your identity.
So how do you begin?
Forgiveness doesn’t require a conversation, a letter, or closure from the other person—though you can choose those paths if they feel right. True forgiveness begins within.
It starts with acknowledging the hurt and recognizing how much of it you are still carrying. From there, it becomes a conscious decision—a willingness to release the pain so it no longer controls you.
Sometimes, a simple but powerful step is to say, privately and honestly:
“I forgive you for ______.”
You may never forget what happened. But you can choose not to carry it.
And yes—it may not be easy, especially if the pain has been held for a long time. But it is worth it.
When you begin to let go, you will feel lighter. Your perspective will shift. Your future will begin to feel brighter.
And when your mind tries to return to the hurt—to replay the story and revive the anger—gently remind yourself:
“I have forgiven this. I will not pick it up again.”
Forgiveness is not weakness.
It is freedom.
And in choosing it, you give yourself the greatest gift of all—a life no longer defined by the pain of the past, but by the possibility of what lies ahead.
https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/adult-health/in-depth/forgiveness/art-20047692
Life coaching can help! https://shapingmemories.net/life-coaching/