Dealing With Stress and Overwhelm
Do you ever find yourself totally overwhelmed by life? This could occur individually or as a couple. Recently my husband and I have been pretty overwhelmed as we have been trying to buy and sell property, but at every step it seemed there was a hindrance or a problem. We became discouraged, overwhelmed, frustrated…. You name it and we felt it!
During these times, couples tend to deal with stressful situations in a variety of ways:
Individually – these individuals tend to focus inside and try to work out their stress in their thoughts and internally. They tend not to talk through what they are feeling or thinking and often are quiet and non-communicative.
Talking to friends – these individuals turn to their friends to talk about their issues. They talk about their fears, concerns, options and solicit feedback and advice from others outside of their marriage/relationship.
Talking to their spouse – these individuals discuss stressful situations openly with their spouse and share thoughts and feelings and search for solutions together. They may spend time in their head and talking with friends, but their main source of addressing stressful situations is with their partner.
Everyone is different in how they approach working through problems. It is important in a relationship to communicate with one another how you, as a couple, can best work through the situation that honors your individual approaches, while keeping the doors open to communicating together. Imagine being in a relationship where one of you is an internal thinker and the other verbally wants to talk through problems. This is where conflicts or misunderstandings arise, and assumptions cause more problems.
Taking time to discuss how you each work through problems and how you can come together as a couple to communicate can bridge the gap and avoid misunderstandings. Let’s say you like to talk to your friends about problems. This could make your spouse feel undervalued and shut out. Or if you are an inside thinker. This could make your partner feel like you are mad at them, disinterested, or ignored. Neither scenario is good for the relationship. By discussing how each of you work on problems, you are opening the door to better communication. The important thing is to come together to talk about solutions or how you are feeling.
As an example, in the case of house buying and selling, our deals kept falling apart. Today’s buyer is different than years ago, and we had to come to an agreement on how we were going to move forward without becoming fully consumed with the process. We also had to agree that we had to let go of trying to control the factors we could not. Finally, we had to come together and agree that when the timing is right, all things will come together. Although the issues were not resolved, we as a couple were able to come to a point of peace and not allow our frustrations to come into the middle of our relationship. Communication is the key.