Relationship Maintenance for Success

Some marriages are like buying and maintaining a car. You found the one you want. It is loaded with features, some of which you never heard of. The engine is just the speed you want – some want a 4 cylinder, others a v6 and for the speedsters a v8.

When first getting into the car it has that new car smell. Even if it is a used car, it feels and smells like new. It is exciting to drive! Plus, there are so many features to explore. 

As time goes on, the car just becomes a car. The features do not get explored so the car’s capabilities are not realized and go unused. The newness wears off and, even though you drive it every day, it just gets you from one place to another. There are things that aggravate you, like slip sliding in the snow or the music sounds like it is coming out of a tin can, but you do not take time to explore it. 

And there is the maintenance. The oil changes to keep the engine properly lubricated, rotation of the tires to help drive smoothly, replace the wipers to help see clearly out the windshield. You get it – it takes effort to keep the car in top shape and to maximize its ability and longevity. 

What does this have to do with marriage? Similarly, when you decide to marry someone, you have looked around, usually went out with a few people, and decided what you wanted in a person. But the relationship does not stop there. Marriage takes effort to keep it going smoothly and strong. 

And let us take a look at the features of the person you married. There is no way you knew everything about them when you said, “I do.” I had a car that had all sorts of features. With the push of a button, I could be in all wheel drive (AWD). But I did not know, nor did I take the time to learn about the car. In the snow and ice, my car would slide around and fishtail. I was a wreck and did not like my car until my husband showed me a button that, when pushed, changed the car from 2-wheel drive to all AWD. I went from not liking my car to loving my car because now I felt safe. 

It is like that in marriage. There are so many aspects of our spouses that we do not know. We do not ask questions, explore, or ask for help. Maybe we feel too vulnerable or are afraid of looking stupid or may be rejected. But what each of you need is inside of the person you married. You just need to keep exploring and discovering the uniqueness of each other and work together to keep your marriage running smoothly. 

And then there is the maintenance. Date nights or quiet dinners alone can help you reconnect and communicate. Facing challenges together helps build trust and brings you together as a team. 

Then there is re-evaluating where you are as a couple. Asking questions like what are our goals as a couple/family. Are we connected or drifting apart? Are we talking about personal or couple life concerns? Are we respectful to one another, not taking each other for granted. The list of topics to re-evaluate is extensive but the questions are valuable in repairing areas in the marriage that are at risk of causing breakdowns. 

All relationships need ongoing attention to keep them going smoothly. Forgiveness for mistakes, compassion for individual struggles, and loving communication during difficulties strengthen relationships so they last a lifetime. 

Marriage is not a one and done moment in time, but a lifetime of care, repair, and maintenance. Unlike a car, when a crisis occurs in marriage, the option to give up and get a new one only starts the cycle again. The lifelong rewards of marriage that is given the time and attention it needs is, as time goes by, you know and understand each other more fully and you can safely and securely pursue life with the support of a spouse who is in it for the long run. 

Keep the engines running! Your marriage is worth it!